out of pain, purpose...

"May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose." Psalm 20:4 NKJV

As I was reading through the Psalms today I came across this verse and it really hit me. My purpose in life. I have known since the age of 16 that I was called to the ministry. By the time I was 22 I knew I was called specifically to women's ministry. God even confirmed it to me via a prophetic word from someone I didn't know, had never met, and who didn't know me. And yet, he walked right up to me at a wedding rehearsal dinner, no less, and said... 

"The Lord shows me you will have a great ministry to women some day."

I nearly fell off my chair for I had not spoken of that to anyone. He also spoke another Word to me that, at the time, I did not want to receive and yet, it has started coming to pass in the past year. This is why I believe everything he spoke to me will surely come to pass. Yet, here it is 27 years later and I don't appear to be any closer to my calling than I was back then but I know what is on the inside of me. I know what has been said to me over and over and over through the years...

"Donna, you need to be writing."

"You have a gift of communication." 

"You should write a book." 

I will admit it comes as natural to me as breathing and doesn't feel at all like "work". (Gosh, I hope I'm not coming across as a braggart. I honestly don't think I'm anything special.) It's just frustrating when you have all this "stuff" on the inside of you that you want to share but have no audience. Being divorced and not having rich parents I can call upon, I have to work in order to earn a paycheck. Bills come whether you have a job or not. The only thing I know to do is to blog. Right now nobody even reads it (LOL) but I will do it in faith that one day that will all change.

In my younger days I often wondered "what on earth would I write about?" Now I know. I've had plenty of time to experience life. I will turn 50 in January. I've made many mistakes and as a result dealt with much pain. I have spent much time in the pity-pot beating myself up, but then I was reminded of the verse in 2 Cor. 12:9...

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

In order for life to bring you something great you must first suffer greatly. Nobody likes to talk about that though. I mean who enjoys suffering? I certainly don't. But I have learned in every situation I've walked through- post-partum depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, spirit of fear, struggles as a wife and mother, a dead marriage, anger, bitterness,emotional infidelity on my part, a divorce, backsliding on God, new age deception, not to mention years of weight struggles- that God had a plan and a purpose. (I sound like a mess, don't I?)

I quit asking "why?" a long time ago. I finally figured out that "what?" is much more beneficial. If I can find a purpose in my pain then none of it was in vain. Because I am always looking for the deeper meaning behind things, this strategy bodes well for me. I always ask myself, "what can I learn from this?" Believe me it helps. If you constantly focus on "Why is this happening?" you will stay frustrated and open the door to anger and bitterness. I figured out a long time ago that life isn't fair. As soon as you lose the expectation that it will be, you will free yourself to accept what comes. Remember the serenity prayer?

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

I look at women like Ann Voscamp or Lysa TerKeurst or my dear friend, Lisa Williams and I think, "I wanna be doing what they do"... using their lives to communicate the love and faithfulness of God in the midst of their brokenness. But who am I to even think I could? That's just it. I know I'm nothing without Him. And yet, with Him, everything is possible. What I know for sure is...

"Our greatest purpose is born from our greatest pain."

I don't know how. I don't know when. But I know I will step into my purpose soon. What I have walked through will not go to waste. I write this now as a symbol of faith. As a record that I will one day look back upon and say, "You see. It all came to pass just as it was spoken those many years ago." If there is one thing you can take to the bank, saints, it's that GOD IS FAITHFUL to His children. Be encouraged. If God ever spoke to you, He will bring it to pass. Stay faithful to His plan and watch it unfold.

  " He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." 1 Thess. 5:24