out of pain, purpose...

"May He grant you according to your heart’s desire, and fulfill all your purpose." Psalm 20:4 NKJV

As I was reading through the Psalms today I came across this verse and it really hit me. My purpose in life. I have known since the age of 16 that I was called to the ministry. By the time I was 22 I knew I was called specifically to women's ministry. God even confirmed it to me via a prophetic word from someone I didn't know, had never met, and who didn't know me. And yet, he walked right up to me at a wedding rehearsal dinner, no less, and said... 

"The Lord shows me you will have a great ministry to women some day."

I nearly fell off my chair for I had not spoken of that to anyone. He also spoke another Word to me that, at the time, I did not want to receive and yet, it has started coming to pass in the past year. This is why I believe everything he spoke to me will surely come to pass. Yet, here it is 27 years later and I don't appear to be any closer to my calling than I was back then but I know what is on the inside of me. I know what has been said to me over and over and over through the years...

"Donna, you need to be writing."

"You have a gift of communication." 

"You should write a book." 

I will admit it comes as natural to me as breathing and doesn't feel at all like "work". (Gosh, I hope I'm not coming across as a braggart. I honestly don't think I'm anything special.) It's just frustrating when you have all this "stuff" on the inside of you that you want to share but have no audience. Being divorced and not having rich parents I can call upon, I have to work in order to earn a paycheck. Bills come whether you have a job or not. The only thing I know to do is to blog. Right now nobody even reads it (LOL) but I will do it in faith that one day that will all change.

In my younger days I often wondered "what on earth would I write about?" Now I know. I've had plenty of time to experience life. I will turn 50 in January. I've made many mistakes and as a result dealt with much pain. I have spent much time in the pity-pot beating myself up, but then I was reminded of the verse in 2 Cor. 12:9...

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 

In order for life to bring you something great you must first suffer greatly. Nobody likes to talk about that though. I mean who enjoys suffering? I certainly don't. But I have learned in every situation I've walked through- post-partum depression, generalized anxiety disorder, panic attacks, spirit of fear, struggles as a wife and mother, a dead marriage, anger, bitterness,emotional infidelity on my part, a divorce, backsliding on God, new age deception, not to mention years of weight struggles- that God had a plan and a purpose. (I sound like a mess, don't I?)

I quit asking "why?" a long time ago. I finally figured out that "what?" is much more beneficial. If I can find a purpose in my pain then none of it was in vain. Because I am always looking for the deeper meaning behind things, this strategy bodes well for me. I always ask myself, "what can I learn from this?" Believe me it helps. If you constantly focus on "Why is this happening?" you will stay frustrated and open the door to anger and bitterness. I figured out a long time ago that life isn't fair. As soon as you lose the expectation that it will be, you will free yourself to accept what comes. Remember the serenity prayer?

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever and ever in the next.

Amen.

I look at women like Ann Voscamp or Lysa TerKeurst or my dear friend, Lisa Williams and I think, "I wanna be doing what they do"... using their lives to communicate the love and faithfulness of God in the midst of their brokenness. But who am I to even think I could? That's just it. I know I'm nothing without Him. And yet, with Him, everything is possible. What I know for sure is...

"Our greatest purpose is born from our greatest pain."

I don't know how. I don't know when. But I know I will step into my purpose soon. What I have walked through will not go to waste. I write this now as a symbol of faith. As a record that I will one day look back upon and say, "You see. It all came to pass just as it was spoken those many years ago." If there is one thing you can take to the bank, saints, it's that GOD IS FAITHFUL to His children. Be encouraged. If God ever spoke to you, He will bring it to pass. Stay faithful to His plan and watch it unfold.

  " He who calls you is faithful, who also will do it." 1 Thess. 5:24 

act like it's done...

I was thinking about my current situation. No job. No paycheck. Well, other than my piddly little check I get each week from my part-time job. Certainly not enough to live on. Then I started thinking about how unpredictable life is. Circumstances are subject to change. Today I don't have a full-time job. Tomorrow I could get the call for an interview that will lead to a good job. Today I have $56 in my checking account. Tomorrow I could win the lottery. Well, not really. You have to play to win but you get my point. Life can be one way one minute, then suddenly, everything can change.

I know how excited I have gotten in the past when I got the call that said "you're hired". Lots of rejoicing always followed that call. When a check showed up in the mail and I was actually able to pay my bills I felt so happy and thankful. Then it dawned on me, as Christians we are instructed in Romans 4:17 to "call those things that be not as though they were". That is faith, my friends. In other words, faith acts like it's done before anything changes. Faith rejoices that the answer is on the way. Faith thanks God for that job. Faith laughs when the bills are due.

Sound crazy? Well, think about how you act when something you have longed for comes to pass.You're probably a laughing, rejoicing fool. I know I am. If we truly trust God to meet our needs and take care of us, then there is no time for the mullygrubs. That is a sure sign of unbelief. Just because we don't see it doesn't mean it isn't on the way. God is always working behind the scenes in our lives. He is an active God and faith pleases Him. In fact, without faith it is impossible to please Him.

I have noticed with each bout of unemployment, I have gotten stronger. Why? Because every single time God has come through. All my needs were met. Yeah, I had down days when unbelief would wrap its ugly tentacles around my mind and the "what ifs?"would start playing like a band. But God! He proved His faithfulness to me time and time again. God moved on folks to help me until that job came my way. Afterwards I wondered why I ever doubted. So this time I won't.

Admittedly I don't understand all the whys and wherefores, but my trust is in the Lord. I know He is working on my behalf. Has anything changed? No. But I've decided in spite of that I am going to act like I've landed that job. I am going to rejoice in the same way I would if I had just gotten that phone-call. I am going to praise God in the same way I would if a big fat check had just arrived in the mail. God is the God of suddenlies, after all. I refuse to get bogged down in the muck and mire of my circumstances. I will approach each new day with expectancy. Good things are coming my way. I believe it, therefore I will act like it. I will talk like it. And I will walk like it. In Jesus' name.

             "When nothing is sure, everything is possible."

rejection and job loss...

I was at the mall yesterday afternoon when my phone rang. I normally don't answer numbers I don't recognize, especially if they're long-distance. However, this one was local so I took a chance, hoping it might be a potential employer calling me for an interview. Instead it was the lady from the HR dept. for the county job I was just fired from. She was calling to let me know several things. First of all, I would be allowed to write up a statement telling "my side of the story" for my file, however, no one would ever be allowed to see it. Secondly, she talked to the health director, the woman responsible for firing me. 

This woman had to fill out a form stating whether or not she would recommend me for other jobs and she checked "no". JW called her to clarify if she meant for all county jobs or just the health dept. She said "just the health dept." and while that didn't surprise me (I wouldn't want to work for this woman again), it still stung a bit. When does rejection NOT sting?  I STILL don't understand her reasons for firing me. I know I'm a likable person. I know I gave that job 100%. Just because I didn't succeed at the animal shelter, why does that disqualify me for other jobs at the health dept? It is very upsetting to think my entire future is being controlled by one woman. And yet, is it really? That is when I have to remind myself of who I belong to and that nothing catches Him off-guard.

I won't lie. It hurts. Part of me wants to make an appt. and go talk to this woman myself just for clarification's sake, and yet, what good would it do? What's done is done. I have to accept that. Ultimately, I know who controls my future and I know I have to put this behind me. I really thought I had until I got that call and heard she had checked the "no" box. REJECTED. The only thing she really said to HR was that I was not at the level she thought I should be after 4 mos. on the job. Nothing incriminating really. Just a very vague assessment of why I wasn't a good fit.

I would have rather heard, "Donna, you're not a good fit for this job. Not being able to handle the animals is causing a problem with the other employees. They resent it." Instead I was told "you're too slow" and "you promise people we will save their animals". I'm sure the look on my face gave it away. "What are you talking about?!!! I'm not behind on my work and I have NEVER promised outright that we would save someone's animal. I said we will do our best but I can't make any promises." This is no different than what I heard my own supervisor tell people.

I know God is watching me to see how I respond to this situation. I feel it's a test. The need to defend myself is there and yet, I feel I should just let it go. I think of Jesus who had it much worse than I ever did and yet "He opened not His mouth". The truth is I'm worried about my reputation; what people will think. I don't want to be judged unjustly. I have not had the best of luck on the past few jobs I've managed to get. Part of me can't help but think, "What the heck is wrong with you that you can't hold down a job?" It's humiliating and embarrassing. Am I really such a square peg in life? God knows I feel that way often.

Me being me, I am doing my best to find the lesson in all this. To look for the positive in it. To make changes where they need to be made. Ultimately I just want to find where I fit so I can be a blessing and an asset. I think that's half my problem. I don't know where I fit. I know my gifts but they don't ever seem to be appreciated or received. I can't carve out a place for myself in the writing world. I don't know how. And yet, the one thing I have heard repeatedly throughout my life from others is, "Donna, you should be writing". My dream job would be to write and get paid for it. It's what comes most naturally to me. It doesn't feel like work.

In the meantime though I have bills to pay and no source of income sooo.... I must find a job. I am doing my part and trusting God to do His. Right now my confession of faith is...

My steps are ordered of the Lord.
God's favor encompasses me like a shield.
Angels are working behind the scenes on my behalf.
I am led by the Spirit of God.
Divine appointments are coming my way.
I am not moved by what I see.
All things are working together for my good.
My God will do exceedingly, abundantly above all I can ask or think.

Amen and so be it.

i'm back....

After a 2-year hiatus I've decided it's time to write again. Life has definitely been a roller-coaster during my time away from the blog. I have gone through 2 different job losses in less than a year, the most recent being last week. Right now you would think I would be stressing out, but I have decided if I am truly going to live the faith-life then I better act like it. It's one thing to talk the talk, but quite another to walk the walk. Hebrews says "for we which have believed do enter into rest". I can truly say I am "resting" and by that I mean I am at peace.

This situation did not catch God by surprise. Me on the other hand? Surprised would be an understatement. I gave that job at the animal shelter 100%. I left there with my head held high and with a good conscience. My gut feeling tells me the real reason for my sudden firing was due to my medical condition. When I started on March 17th I had no idea I would be starting Humira shots in May. One of the requirements for working at the shelter is rabies shots. I was told I could not take the shots while on Humira, nor could I handle the animals.

My heart dropped when I found that out because I worried it would cost me my job. When I expressed this concern to the powers that be, I was assured that "handling animals" wasn't part of my job description. I was hired to do data-entry. I believed her in spite of the fact that impounding cats and dogs was a part of my daily routine working at the front. Finding an animal control officer to take the animals back to their kennels when they were busy doing other things wasn't always welcomed tho they did it. I have to wonder if maybe some resentment didn't build up.

Obviously the boss had to bide her time so it wouldn't appear that I was being fired for that reason so she waited 2 mos. The reasons I was given for being "let go" were downright laughable they were so lame, not to mention, false. Since I was still in the probationary period I could not contest the decision, but you can bet your bippy I went straight to HR. I gave my side of the story stating the real reasons I believe I was released from my job. I can accept that I might not have been the ideal fit for the job but to say I was "too slow" or that I "promised people we would save their animals" when I did no such thing was just a ball-faced lie.

The truth as I see it is that I was a liability. Due to my lowered immune system (side-effect of Humira) I was a risk if I had ever been attacked or bitten by a dog or cat. Of course they can't fire anyone for medical reasons. That would be discrimination, after all, so they came up with what sounded like valid reasons. Add to that, the girl I replaced decided she hates her new job and told the health director she wanted to "come back" to the shelter. Now whether she will or not remains to be seen but getting rid of me certainly cleared the way for her.

Oh well. If sound angry, I'm really not. I have accepted it and I am moving on. Do I enjoy being unemployed with no source of income? Not at all. But I've been here before and survived without too much fall-out. Well, other than my car being repossessed and I ended up making money on that when they sold it at auction. LOL! Oh the irony. I now have a much older car, an '02 Mercury Sable, that I paid cash for so at least this time I won't have to worry about my car being taken. It's just a matter of keeping a roof over my head and my bills paid.

It's funny but about a week before I was let go I was thinking about a little puppy we had up for adoption. It came in a litter of 3 and its siblings had already been adopted earlier in the week. It was a Friday and the poor little fella had to be put back in his kennel to spend the whole weekend alone. I felt so sad for him but I knew there were a couple of applications on him and that soon he would be going to his forever family. Things were definitely "in the works" behind the scenes. Of course the puppy didn't know that. He could only go by what he saw which made him very sad, scared, and alone.

Then God impressed upon me isn't that often how it is with God's people? We are faced with circumstances that seem daunting and hopeless. We wonder how on earth we will get through it. Fear, worry, and doubt assail. We focus on the "seen" when what we don't realize is our great big God is working behind the scenes the whole time on our behalf. Things are coming together. And if we knew what He knew, we would be laughing, not crying. We would be rejoicing, not despairing. We would be talking our faith, not our doubts.

I see this as another opportunity to trust God. To prove Him real in my life. To show His faithfulness to my family and friends. God's Word is either true or it's not. I choose to believe it. Philippians 4:13 says, "But my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." I don't know how. I don't know who. I don't know when. But I know He will. A great job is coming my way. Hide and watch.

happy father's day, daddy....

There's just something special about the relationship between a Daddy and his little girl.  Fathers feel especially protective of their daughters and that doesn't change no matter how old you get.  It took me a long time to really appreciate my Daddy for who he is.  In fact, it took about 40 years.  In my earlier years we didn't have much of a relationship.  I think in many ways religion kept us apart.  He wasn't big on church and well, church was my whole life.  I'm ashamed to say that set me up for a "holier-than-thou" attitude and so I spent years judging my own father just because he liked to have a beer every night. And yet, I never went without as a child.  Daddy saw to it that I had a "princess room" complete with a canopy bed.  If I wanted something and it was within his power to get it, then it was mine.  

Daddy grew up poor on the streets of Miami, FL.  He was raised, along with his younger brother and sister, by an alcoholic grandfather and a very strong, opinionated grandmother that he called "Nana".  By the time he graduated high school he knew if he wanted a life he would have to join the military.  So off to Parris Island he went to become a US Marine.  This further shaped him into the man he is.  Loud, opinionated, tells it like it is, and yet he would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it.  This was the Daddy who always made sure I had a dime in my pocket in case I needed to call him.

Daddy has always loved guns and has had quite the collection ever since I can remember.  He keeps them locked up in a gun-cabinet where they are safe from curious little hands.   Daddy spends a lot of time at the shooting range but he lives for hunting season.  Whether it's squirrels or deer, you will always find him in the woods on opening day.  And yes, he would always bring home his "kill" wherewith we would then get to partake of fried squirrel or venison stew.  I always found squirrel to be a bit chewy and I could totally live without venison.  Never could get used to that "wild" taste.

One day I got to see daddy's hunting skills up close and personal when a rabid dog got loose in our neighborhood.  Everyone was scared to death until the day that dog showed up in our driveway foaming at the mouth and growling.  Daddy promptly got one of his rifles and shot that dog on the spot.  You could hear the echo ring out for what seemed like miles.  I cried even though I understood it had to be done. Daddy was brave that day.  He saved the whole neighborhood.  And I couldn't have been more proud.

As for pets, Daddy always had a fish tank.  This was about as close to having a pet as I got tho we did have a couple of dogs when I was little.  I remember one named Lady who lived in our fenced-in backyard.  I'm not sure whatever happened to her.  Then I got a little puppy which I named Butterball but she got ran over and that was the end of us having dogs so fish it was.  It seems dad's favorite fish were guppies.  One time the fish tank cracked and we came home to find guppies all over the carpet.  In no time though, Daddy had another fish tank up and running.  And I couldn't help but notice this tank was even bigger than the one before.

One of my favorite times growing up was Halloween.  Daddy was really good at homemade costumes.  One year he fixed me up has a hobo.  He took charcoal from the grill and dirtied my face up then packed me up a  hobo bag and off I went trick-or-treating.  Another year he made me a witch.  It was fun having a green face.  I think if there had been a best-costume contest I would have surely won.  I suppose it was his artistic ability that made him so good at face art.  He could look at anything and draw it.  One of my favorite things about daddy was when he would write poems and draw Disney characters.  He's always had a creative streak that I loved.  

Donald William Pratt is now 75 yrs. old.  He's bald with piercing blue eyes and a hearty laugh who loves to tell jokes and give advice.  He is fiercely loyal to those he loves.  And I am proud to say he has been my father for 47 years.  Even though we live hundreds of miles apart I know he's always just a phone call away.  And If I really needed him he would be in his truck headed to NC in a heartbeat.  Daddys make their little girls feel protected, even when we're grown women.  I am thankful to still have my Dad around and I just wanted to take this day to honor him.  Happy Father's Day, Daddy.

I love you,
Poochie

remembering granny...

I grew up in the Deep South of Mississippi on the Gulf Coast, but every couple months or so Mama, Daddy, and I would take off to Ovett which was "up in the country" to visit Granny and all my Aunts, Uncles, and cousins.  It usually took about an hour and a half to get there so we would leave on a Friday evening after they got off work and stay until Sunday afternoon.  I remember in the Winter months Granny would always have a big pot of homemade soup made... vegetable beef with a big pone of cornbread to go with it.  It was nourishment both for the soul and the body.

Granny didn't have central heat and air so in the winter she kept a woodstove burning.  One Fall before Grandpa died in a head-on collision due to a drunk-driver, he chopped a bunch of extra wood and kept it in a woodpile out beside the house.  It was as if he knew his time was close.  Whenever Granny would open the door to that woodstove to throw in more wood, the heat would rush out to greet you.  The coals were a hot, burning red like the flames of hell.  I remember thinking I definitely didn't wanna go there.

Every Saturday night it was a tradition to watch "Hee Haw".  I can still see that old coon dog on the front porch as Roy Clark and the gang sang, "Gloom, Despair, and Agony on me"....

This was in the days before cable TV so you were lucky to get 3 channels especially out in the country and even that was only if you had a pair of "rabbit ears".  Luckily Granny did so we never missed Hee Haw.

Being an only child I was always excited to see my cousins, Gary Jr., Laura Kay, and Chelsea (prounounced "Chel-se-uh").  They were my first best friends and the siblings I never had.  I was 8 months younger than Chelsea and 4 yrs. older than Gary Jr.  Laura Kay was 5 yrs. younger than me and the baby of the group.  That is until years later when cousin Amanda came along.  We would entertain ourselves running back and forth down the rows of corn or hiding in the barn, always stuff we shouldn't be doing.  One thing Granny didn't like was us running in and out.  She would holler, "You youngins' either come in or stay out, but quit that runnin' back and forth!"

One of my favorite things was when Granny would hand us kids some old tin buckets and tell us to go pick blackberries.  We always knew what this meant.  Homemade blackberry cobbler and believe you me, nobody could make a cobbler like Granny. In spite of the mosquitoes and the red bugs we would pick until our pails were full then run back to the house proud as a peacock to show Granny how much we'd gotten.  That night, sure enough, we would eat our supper then have blackberry cobbler for dessert.

One thing about Granny, she may have grown up poor but she was a hard-workin' woman.  She passed this trait down to her 5 children who were my Uncle Wyatt, Aunt Cybil, Mama, who was Sarah Jane, and Mama's twin brother, Jimmy, who died at age 14 when he climbed a light pole on a dare by his baby brother, my Uncle Gary, and was electrocuted.  They said Granny like to have never gotten over that.  I suppose second behind her would be mama, being that it was her twin and all.

Sometimes Granny would drive down to the coast by herself and come see us.  On one such occasion she and I were outside hanging up the clothes to dry.  Something had been weighing on my mind that I was dying to know.  See, Granny had gotten married when she was only 14 yrs. old to Grandpa who was 10 years older than her.  Basically he was a grown man and she was still just a girl.  Finally I worked up my nerve and asked her if it hurts "the first time" and she didn't bat an eye.  She exclaimed, "Yeah, it hurts when they pop the cherry!"  Just what I thought.

Granny drove a beautiful cherry red Mercury Zephyr with white leather interior.  When it came time for driving lessons she didn't hesitate to let me take her car out on the dirt road by her house.  She sat on the passengers side and instructed me what to do.  I drove the whole mile and a half to the end of the road and back, bare feet and all.  Granny always had what we call a "lead foot" and I think I learned that from her.  We both liked to drive fast which is why mama always told me, "Donna Jane, you drive like a bat out of hell."  Blame Granny.

One of my favorite times of year was October cause that meant the county fair was coming to town.  Mama didn't care much for the rides but Granny would ride anything!  I remember us getting on the "Rampage" which was a very popular ride in the 70's.  It was kinda like a double ferris-wheel.  Watch here:

I thought I had the coolest Granny ever because even though she was old, she wasn't scared of anything.  

It's been 9 years now since Granny passed in May of 2003.  She had a stroke and couldn't take care of herself anymore.  That meant Mama, Aunt Cybil and Aunt Nettie (Uncle Gary's wife) would rotate every 3 weeks taking turns one week at a time.  Luckily they all lived right there near each other on the old home place so it worked out good for everyone.  Eventually Granny got so feeble they couldn't handle her anymore so off to a nursing home she went.  Mama cried and cried over that.  

Now all I have are my precious memories and a few of Granny's old quilts that she made by hand.  I look forward to seeing her again one day in Heaven.  It's hard to believe so many of my loved ones have already gone on.  Grandpa, Uncle Wyatt, Pa Bill (my stepfather), Uncle Jimmy, and Granny.  Her real name was Ida Mae West.  I love you, Granny.  Thanks for all the great times.  

the day everything changed....

It was April 2nd, a Sunday morning, and the minute my eyes popped open I knew something was wrong.  My hands and ankles were hurting terribly, like that of an old woman.  My first thought was "Oh no... is this Rheumatoid Arthritis?" although I thought it was odd that it would strike with the suddenness of a rattle snake.  Aren't we supposed to age gradually?  I popped 3 Ibuprofen and went to work that evening anyway.

The next day was more of the same until finally by Wednesday of that week my ankles were so swollen they looked deformed.  I walked around like an 85 yr. old woman.  I ached all over so I put in a call to my doctor and luckily she was able to see me that afternoon.  My fever was 101.7.  It was then I realized I had been running a high fever that whole time.

My swollen ankle

My normal ankle

My doctor was immediately concerned about the swelling and the fever so she prescribed a 5-day round of prednisone.  10 mg. twice a day.  Within 24 hours I felt like Wonder Woman.  No pain.  Swelling almost gone.  I thought that would be the end of it.  I was wrong.  I finished my round of steroids and by the next day I felt the pain coming back.  The day after that came the swelling.  By the 3rd day the dry, hacking cough.  I continued to run a high fever and pop Ibuprofen like candy just so I could make it to work.  If it weren't for the fact that my job only involved sitting at a desk and doing data entry all day, there is no way I could have worked. Anything more physically-demanding would have done me in.

The cough grew worse.  It got to the point that I could not even hold a conversation without going into coughing spasms.  I had one of those incessant itches that no matter how hard I coughed, there was no relief.  At one point I even pulled a muscle in my side which made coughing excruciating.  I finally broke down and went back to the doctor in spite of the fact that I have no insurance and couldn't really afford it.  Luckily she had compassion and didn't charge me.  She prescribed a round of antibiotics thinking it was an upper respiratory infection.  I knew within 2 days she was wrong.  Still running a high fever and coughing.  God, when would this ever go away?

A week later I was back in her office.  This had now been going on for 3.5 weeks.  Joint pain, swelling, high fever, and that god-awful cough from hell.  What was wrong with me?  I wanted answers.  My doctor wanted answers.  She was more concerned about my fever than anything.  It just isn't normal to fun a high fever for that long.  I told her to go ahead and order the tests.  I knew I needed the tests but had no way to pay for them.   By this time I had gotten word that my job was ending May 4th so I asked about applying for charity at the hospital.  She thought it was a good idea.

I had a whole round of blood work done as well as a chest x-ray.  Little did I know the chest x-ray would be the key.  My doctor called the next day and told me it appeared that I had Sarcoidosis.  Of course I had never heard of that.  The x-ray showed the lymph nodes on both sides of my lungs were inflamed.  Turns out that sarcoidosis is an autoimmune disease that can attack any organ of the body causing inflammation.  It most commonly attacks the lungs which explains that awful cough I had.  Clearly it had decided to attack my joints as well.  Double-whammy.

She downplayed the diagnosis as if it wasn't that serious but hearing a word like that definitely had me worried.  The first thing I did was go on the internet to look it up.  I should have known better.  Any time you get a medical diagnosis you can find every horror story known to mankind on the internet.  The last thing I needed was to add fear to the already unknown.  Back on prednisone I went.  This time 20 mg.  Once again, the pain was gone within 24 hours.  It took about 3 days for the swelling to disappear.  The cough was a bit more stubborn... that took 2.5 weeks to go away.

After 3 weeks on 20 mg. she cut me back to 10 mg.  I will stay on that for two weeks then cut back to 5 mg for a week then to 2.5 mg.  The goal is to get me off this stuff altogether and believe me, it won't be soon enough.  I do have concerns about what will happen when I go off it for good.  Will my symptoms come back?  I shudder at the thought.  It would render me disabled and that is just not something I can accept.

I have made some huge dietary changes since all this started.  In a nutshell I stay away from all the "white stuff".... refined sugar, artificial sweeteners, flour, potatoes, rice, bread, and wheat.  That leaves fruits, vegetables, protein, and nuts.  Lucky for me the only silver-lining in all this is the loss of appetite.  Another side effect of sarcoidosis.  In spite of being on prednisone which is known to make you blow up, I have managed to lose 30 lbs. since April 2nd.  My doctor said I am the only patient she has ever seen to LOSE weight on prednisone.  Lucky me.

I didn't change my diet to lose weight though I definitely need to.  I changed my diet to get my health back.  Turns out that what I am doing is known as the http://thepaleodiet.com/ which has been known to reverse autoimmune diseases.  I always add lemon to my water (which is all I drink now) and I have an apple cider vinegar tonic twice a day using Bragg's Apple Cider Vinegar.  Believe me, this will cure what ails ya.  Just google the health benefits and it will blow your mind.  And once you get used to the tart taste it isn't half bad.

At this point I don't know what my future holds, but I am determined to do my part to manage this disease.  A big part of that is my diet.  Another big part is a positive attitude.  The good news is that up to 50% of sarcoidosis cases go into remission within 3 years.  I am believing I will be one of them.  The way I see it is I may have a disease but I refuse to let a disease have me.  I take one day at a time and with God's help I will have a life.